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HEALTH ALERT – Gonorrhea Lectim

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Get your head out of your ass and Vote for a honesty, integrity and civility.

Information about Gonorrhea Lectim

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of this old disease. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim. It’s pronounced “Gonna re-elect ’em,” and it is a terrible disease.

The disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behaviour involving putting your cranium up your rectum. Many victims contracted it when they re-elected the Stephen Harper government and are now starting to realize how destructive this sickness is.

It’s sad because Gonorrhea Lectim is easily cured with a new drug just coming on the market called Votemout. It’s pronounced “Vote-em-out“. You take the first dose in 2011 or whenever and don’t engage in such behaviour again; otherwise, it could become permanent and eventually wipe out all life as we know it in Canada.

Please pass this important message on to all those bright folks you really care about.

Thanks Mom! 🙂

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Written by mattliving

May 1, 2011 at 9:00 am

Posted in Comedy, Democracy

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Remember. It’s Just A Ride – Bill Hicks

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Written by mattliving

October 15, 2010 at 7:34 am

Why I Love Reddit!

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RedditMagic

Written by mattliving

October 20, 2009 at 3:06 pm

Posted in Comedy, Internet, Social Networks

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Literacy Drive :)

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LiteracyDrive

Written by mattliving

September 24, 2009 at 12:49 pm

Super Cool!

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Written by mattliving

May 14, 2009 at 9:05 am

Posted in Comedy, Humour, Video

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Stop It!

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Written by mattliving

May 13, 2009 at 8:51 am

Posted in Comedy, Humour, Video

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Things My Mother Taught Me

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waittilyourfathergetshome

  1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
    ‘If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.’
  2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
    ‘You better pray that will come out of the carpet.’
  3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
    ‘If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!’
  4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
    ‘ Because I said so, that’s why.’
  5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
    ‘If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.’
  6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
    ‘Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.’
  7. My mother taught me IRONY.
    ‘Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.’
  8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
    ‘Shut your mouth and eat your supper.’
  9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
    ‘Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!’
  10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
    ‘You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.’
  11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
    ‘This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.’
  12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
    ‘If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!’
  13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
    ‘I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.’
  14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
    ‘Stop acting like your father!’
  15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
    ‘There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.’
  16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
    ‘Just wait until we get home.’
  17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
    ‘You are going to get it when you get home!’
  18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
    ‘If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.’
  19. My mother taught me ESP.
    ‘Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?’
  20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
    ‘When that lawn mower cuts off your foot, don’t come running to me.’
  21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
    ‘If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.’
  22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
    ‘You’re just like your father.’
  23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
    ‘Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?’
  24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
    ‘When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.’
  25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
    ‘One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.’

Written by mattliving

May 12, 2009 at 9:04 am

Posted in Comedy, Humour, Learning

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